I hated my wedding pictures.
I love all forms of art, anything organic, created with adroitness will strike me, but I am especially moved when I feel the piece is timely or cutting edge. So you can imagine my disappointment when I received my wedding photos and felt they were probably considered cutting edge… back in 1997. This isn’t exactly something I’ve lost sleep over, I was married in May of 2011, and have basically accepted that the photos will never truly be representative of my taste or our marriage, but it doesn’t matter terribly to me. I am lucky to have an outstanding husband, and a great marriage, that alone far outweighs having excellent wedding photos and a crap husband, so I accept this reality. To add to my reasoning, of which I have thought to myself whenever I see one of my wedding photos, as much as I do not like the style, they are pictures of one of the greatest stages of my life, and I could never thoroughly dislike them with that in mind.
Something about my husband and I changed a few years ago. We didn’t just change though it was more like we evolved and outgrew our (then) current situation. It began in 2013, I started questioning things, wondering what am I doing with my life, am I happy, where do I want to go from here, and my husband – luckily—was simultaneously going through the same life crisis.
We had been married for almost 3 years when we decided that we both wanted more from life, not quite sure what “more” was for either of us, we continued to work at our jobs, that can only be described as comfortable, and kept talking about what changes we needed to make. Individually I became the very best version of myself while going through whatever it was. If I didn’t want to do something, I didn’t do it. If I wanted to do something, within reason, I did it. I stopped making bad decisions that didn’t benefit me, or my husband. Not to say that I was unkind towards others, just simply increasingly less carless with each passing moment. I came to realize how invaluable our time is, and I can only wish I came to this conclusion long before.
We continued to talk about our aspirations, we questioned – why aren’t we pursuing them. We wanted to move away, to see something new, maybe we could go somewhere warm. We had never lived far from home, and thought, “why not?” We both wanted to get our degrees and to be successful doing something we care about. My husband is a fantastic musician and I was really excited to see him evolve and grow as a musician, and to give his dream of working with music a chance. We decided on California, (you know swimming pools, movie stars…) found schools with programs we both were interested in, and came up with a plan to get there. Our plans were put on a temporary hold as we worked to sell our house.
We began working on home improvements, slowly going through our house to make it more valuable. We needed to get rid of old things that we had held on to for no real reason, we cleaned, painted, remodeled the bathroom, put new appliances in the kitchen. All together it took us over a year to put the house up for sale and then another 5 months for it to sell. It was not easy, there were many sacrifices made, but when I look back, I feel so thankful to have had my husband and partner. When the going got tough, he grounded me and reminded me that “we’re really at the beginning of this thing…”
Today we are 2 days away from our big move, it has taken over 550 days to get to where we are now… we are nervous, excited, and more than anything, we are ready. As if life isn’t crazy enough right now, we decided in our final days in Philly to re-write another part of our story, and we had new (5 years later) wedding photos taken. With the help of an excellent photographer, Rebecca Gudelunas, we were able to capture another important moment in life, only this time with a new vision. We said goodbye to the city we love, a rewarding “see you later.” Celebrating, not only because of our prospective future, but also because we had succeeded; we wanted something bigger, better and a path less traveled, and now we can finally give it a shot.
There is a great chance that we will not do well. Maybe we will not like it out there, or we will have trouble getting a job, or something will go wrong that is entirely unexpected… Then again, what if everything goes right, and all of the risks are totally worth it? How can we allow fear to determine our all too valuable life that is gradually slipping away? Because it is slipping away, and whether we are happy or not — time is passing, so it would be better to use that time exactly as we had wanted, than to spend it wishing and wanting; only to one day say we “should’ve tried.”
This change or evolution that has occurred between us is remarkable, because, thankfully, it happened in both of us at the same time. But what is really remarkable, is that more people do not seek out a necessary change. If you don’t like something, why do you need to endure it? If your life isn’t keeping you happy and proud and moving forward, why are you not working to change it? These changes most likely take time, and you can find a million and one excuses on why you shouldn’t empty out the basement tonight (trust me!) But inevitably, all of our timelines will end the same way, and far sooner than we like to think. You are not stuck to anything in life, at any point in time you can start working towards a change, because nothing is irreparable… not even wedding photos.
I hated my wedding pictures.